Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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