He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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