I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
