Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
