shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Dignity is for republicans.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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