My nipple is on Facebook.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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