can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
