My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
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I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
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If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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