Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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