I'm really into asian looking animals
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
