Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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