God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
