I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
