she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
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Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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