Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
