Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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