even my farts smell like vagina
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
