I heard we made out
I need help removing her.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
