How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
