You made me cry and you don't even care
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
