I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
