I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
