You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
