Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
