I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
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then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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