You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
