Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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