I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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