my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the night ended with taco bell and tears
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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