Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
