on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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