So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
