A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
