for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
