I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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