and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
