It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You made out with two different species that night
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
