duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
