at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
