Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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