it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize