I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
