i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
