Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
