Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
