Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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