So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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