Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
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If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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