Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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