Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
