omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
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I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman