I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
