I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
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How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT