i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.