Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis