i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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