Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
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