Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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