he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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