How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
