Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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