I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
