Have you finally orgasmed yet?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
