i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
