Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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