You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's rum buckets o'clock
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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