dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize