I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
