Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
