I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
